On the Turning Away

by essayan hart

this song makes me want to dance, but i havent eaten anything all day
im shoveling in mouthfuls of bland food, but i have to write to keep from
this turmoil

i dont know how i will sleep, i am exhausted, but my body keeps exploding
in my tiny studio apartment, i am the art and the audience
and delirious with hunger

i can feel you, stepping back to evaluate, to decide if you are safe here
i am handing over my possessions, i am tying myself to our instruments
while you sleep somewhere across town

there are promises running through my blood, there is a song i want you to hear
more than anything, i want your heart close to mine, you can hold your body
at any distance

i am starting small fires in your name, i am bound for eviction
i am collecting our impossible future in ash and sacrifice
i am eating, but my body has forgotten how

text messages are dangerous, i want a world without technology
you leave me traces, i feel you moving through your day
at a distance, and i grow solid in my body

this is unfamiliar, and a blessing, and it grows out of our wanting
i wonder if you are as deeply affected, while you measure your fences
i am tumbling, breaking my body in the uncertainty